Monday, October 28, 2013
Dear Prudence ...
So I went on a date, a week ago Sunday, and now I have a small dilemma. Dude was entertaining, to a point, but he was also three inches shorter than his profile said he was. Now, I don't actively go looking for diminutive guys, but neither am I such an asshole that I will dismiss them out of hand. The shortness is not the issue. The lying is. "But it's just a small lie," you might say. "Maybe he thought this was his only chance at getting any attention at all!" Maybe so. I know that while largeness tends to be problematic for a woman's self image, smallness can be similarly difficult for men. However, I also know that the solution (at least theoretically, ahem) for personal happiness hinges greatly on self acceptance, and that lying about one's areas of insecurity only delay the inevitable and risk creating feelings of betrayal in the other party. Which leads to my dilemma. I like closure (don't we all?), so I emailed this guy and asked him his thoughts about the date and how it went. Only when he answered did I realize that what I was really looking for was an excuse to confront him about his "little (heh) white lie," which seems to me to be remarkably close to ambush. So ... thoughts? State my issues (what would be a tactful way to handle such a conversation?), or, given his hesitations about distance, let him down easy, free to repeat this self defeating pattern? See? It's really all about helping him!
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I heart you and your inner pragmatist, as while as your inner enabler. Here's what I think: Yep, the dude should have been honest. Yep, I think he knows full well how obvious his lie was and I think it's likely he has been ignored when honest. I think if he was entertaining, then see what unfolds. But if that level of dishonesty is a deal-breaker, then say so. (I can tell you how I would do that, too.) But really, I think a lot of times we get tired of sailing alone and if it takes lying about the size of our prow to get some comrades... well, mixed metaphors aside, I'd give this guy a chance to express himself more fully. He was willing to meet you in person, after all. He manned up a little bit, anyway. ;-p
ReplyDeleteOh my God when are we going to stop being so co-dependent (for lack of a better word)? I say we because I still shock myself in realizing, once again, that I am sucking up to someone in order for them to a. feel good, b. like me, c. feel good, d. like me, e. feel good, and f. like me. I'm reacting to your very last line. Also, you are awesome and I love your writing, and any guy will be lucky to date you no matter what his size is but he has to be perfect. Wait for it!
ReplyDeleteThis was fantastic. I would just lay it all out there, if it's meant to be then he will handle it like and adult, and if it's not well...then you got out quick and easy.
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