Online dating isn't easy. You'd think it would be, but it's not. You'd think you could just throw up a profile, add a few pics, say something entertaining,
et voila! Evidently, not so much.
I got started on this (mis?)adventure sort of accidentally. About the time that my divorce was final, I had a friend who liked to search ads on a site that shall remain nameless, but is used to fulfill just about any need, from cars, pets, and apartments to things a little more personal. Or a lot more personal. Look, I try not to judge, but OMG WTF. Anyway, one thing led to another, and while I didn't ever put up an ad on that site, I do have the odd profile or two on some others, sites that I assumed catered to a slightly less kinky crowd.
The first message I received read as follows:
OMG I LOVE YOUR PROFILE!
HEY [name redacted]
I'M [name also redacted] THE FOOT GUY FROM [anonymous]VILLE..I LOVE YOUR PHOTO AND PROFILE AND I WOULD LOVE TO TALK WITH YOU..I AHVE A FOOT FETISH AND WAS WONDERING IF YOU OWN ALOT OF FLOPS/SANDALS/WEDGES OR CLOGS?
OMG WTF. That's what I got for saying I liked a good foot rub as much as the next person. I'm not philosophically opposed to fetishes, especially in the abstract, but I do believe there's a certain protocol in their negotiation. Leading with them just comes off as so ...
needy (and by needy here I mean creepy as hell). To say nothing of the fact that I had explicitly stated that spelling
mattered to me. Spell-check, people. Had "foot" been the only part of the profile he had actually read? My philosophy, formed right then and there, was, "Didn't bother reading? Shan't bother replying."
But it didn't end there ...
This is so subtly hilarious, I love it. I had a roommate once who wanted to try "online dating" and it turns out they make apps for that now! So she tried out one called Tinder and it was just hilarious the responses people would come up with. So funny.
ReplyDelete"(and by needy here I mean creepy as hell)"
ReplyDeleteI love the way you right. I can see the hand motions that would go along with this whole thing :)
Justina, you punny girl, saying "right" instead of "write"... ;-)
ReplyDeleteI met my husband on craigslist under the Strictly Platonic section. We were both fooling ourselves about our internal intentions, but I too found that overt dating sites and profiles just did not lead to much by way of meaningful interactions. The Platonic section, however, gave me new friends and experiences that were worthwhile. Of course, this was all nearly seven years ago, so I have no idea how "kinky" things are presently...
So I just moseyed over there, and Inigo Montoya's second most famous quote expresses it best. I'm not at all sure they're clear on the meaning of the word "platonic." My understanding is that it does not include things like "sexually related hypnosis," Asian "massage" parlors, or "and then some." Evidently I was wrong.
ReplyDeleteoh my goodness. that is quite creepy. and there's a part two?
ReplyDeleteWhat happened next?
ReplyDelete