Monday, October 28, 2013

Dear Prudence ...

So I went on a date, a week ago Sunday, and now I have a small dilemma.  Dude was entertaining, to a point, but he was also three inches shorter than his profile said he was.  Now, I don't actively go looking for diminutive guys, but neither am I such an asshole that I will dismiss them out of hand.  The shortness is not the issue.  The lying is.  "But it's just a small lie," you might say.  "Maybe he thought this was his only chance at getting any attention at all!"  Maybe so.  I know that while largeness tends to be problematic for a woman's self image, smallness can be similarly difficult for men.  However, I also know that the solution (at least theoretically, ahem) for personal happiness hinges greatly on self acceptance, and that lying about one's areas of insecurity only delay the inevitable and risk creating feelings of betrayal in the other party.  Which leads to my dilemma.  I like closure (don't we all?), so I emailed this guy and asked him his thoughts about the date and how it went.  Only when he answered did I realize that what I was really looking for was an excuse to confront him about his "little (heh) white lie," which seems to me to be remarkably close to ambush.  So ... thoughts?  State my issues (what would be a tactful way to handle such a conversation?), or, given his hesitations about distance, let him down easy, free to repeat this self defeating pattern?  See?  It's really all about helping him!

Monday, October 21, 2013

Part Deux (Duh)

I never answered the message.  Rightly or wrongly, I felt that if one was going to lead with a kink, one should go to the kink part of the singles site, which does exist, for the very purpose of connecting those who wish to practice their kinks with those who wish to be practiced upon.  Or something.
A year later, I had started another profile on another, larger, dating site, under another name.  Lo and behold, the fourth message I received was from our foot friend, using basically the same phrasing, with a notable absence of foot.  Learning from experience, clearly, although his username still featured the word "foot," and was, in fact, the same name he was using on the other site.
I figured, what the hell.  Dude's persistent, messaging is free, give it a shot.
Wedges and clogs made a quick reappearance, and became a recurring theme, as did my hind end.  I pointed out that while I was ok with his kink, it was not mine, and I had made pretty clear in my profile that I also wanted to talk about things other than my feet and my ass.  He told me that of course there was more to him than that.  I told him that I was going out of town and would be in touch with him when I returned.  He told me to have fun, feeling it necessary to add, "and just so I am sure..... you are a bbw with a big ass correct?" *headdesk facepalm*  (The extra ellipses are all him ... it's hard to pay attention to punctuation with your head up an ass.)
Footnote: although I never answered him, and although his profile disappeared shortly after, he reappeared twice more, under slightly different names, the first time asking if I remembered him and the second offering to pay me money for photos of my "hippie feet."  Repressing the urge to give him a large piece of my mind (why waste something he obviously had no capacity to appreciate?) I showed great restraint in asking him simply, please, never to contact me again ... and reported him to the website for solicitation.  It's been three months, and so far he hasn't popped up again.

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

In the Meantime ...

I'm pretty sure I just found a profile belonging to Borat.  He never did end up with Pam Anderson, did he?  Breaking news: Borat is on the market! 

Monday, October 7, 2013

The Foot Guy, Part I

Online dating isn't easy.  You'd think it would be, but it's not.  You'd think you could just throw up a profile, add a few pics, say something entertaining, et voila!  Evidently, not so much.
I got started on this (mis?)adventure sort of accidentally.  About the time that my divorce was final, I had a friend who liked to search ads on a site that shall remain nameless, but is used to fulfill just about any need, from cars, pets, and apartments to things a little more personal.  Or a lot more personal.  Look, I try not to judge, but OMG WTF.  Anyway, one thing led to another, and while I didn't ever put up an ad on that site, I do have the odd profile or two on some others, sites that I assumed catered to a slightly less kinky crowd.
The first message I received read as follows:


HEY [name redacted]


OMG WTF. That's what I got for saying I liked a good foot rub as much as the next person.  I'm not philosophically opposed to fetishes, especially in the abstract, but I do believe there's a certain protocol in their negotiation.  Leading with them just comes off as so ... needy (and by needy here I mean creepy as hell).  To say nothing of the fact that I had explicitly stated that spelling mattered to me.  Spell-check, people.  Had "foot" been the only part of the profile he had actually read?  My philosophy, formed right then and there, was, "Didn't bother reading?  Shan't bother replying."
But it didn't end there ...