Sunday, June 29, 2014

So, this guy ...

Please a wee bit a thought (an annotated message - caution, explicit language below.  All errors in punctuation, spelling, and grammar are the work of the original author)

Hi My name is [name redacted]. I have never contacted a woman under 40 something [fair enough].You are very funny in a very enjoyable way for me [thanks ...].I write well if you care to look at my profile.I can not spell shine ola [nope, you're right, that's not how you spell it].Even 5&6 letter words I have looked up countless times I am sometimes stumped [it is fair to note here that my original profile blurb said something about how much I care about correct spelling.  If you can't spell for shinola, well, that's why God created spell-check].I am old in years only [congratulations].My body compared to most men closer to your age is-well a mans body not soft like a womans body should(for love making that is) [I actually am not sure what this means.  I think what he's saying is that he's in good shape for an old dude, but maybe he's comparing himself to a woman?  Maybe he's trying to say that he's gone a bit soft, but forgot where he was going mid-sentence]Also a large number of male humans in thier 20s,30s,40s are boys [possibly].Except for thier profesion or job they no little about anything and do not understand good humor nor how to make love (not fuck) a

good woman [I'm not sure how one would make love a good woman, either.  I do know that my male friends my age tend to think I'm hilarious, so maybe that makes my humor bad?].  You choose "man for dating".I belive that if we were to befriend eachother on several elements (sp) [ah, irony] of interaction-we would in all likely hood give a try at making love [really?  You're not the first old guy to wishfully think so, I'll give you that].If you are a truly sensual woman I am confident we will enjoy as many pleasent hours as you care to devote to this most wonderful of human sharing [yes, and clearly if I don't respond, it's because I'm not truly sensual, thus giving you the convenient out of damning me as a frigid bitch].It is all about timeing physical affection! and a special kind of

communication we will discover togeather [tempting ...].If you know of what I speak, but have been unable to discover knowledgable men that [that what, exactly?], or men with some ability but are not enjoyable to be aroundPlease atleast speak with me [so you can rescue me from what is clearly a wasteland of sexually incompetent men]..If you are not fully aware of this "place" that truly good love making can take "us" -Then I sujest: if you feel sexy,horny,full of desire in your ownself , I am confident we can have a great time.It is even possable that the age diference could enhanse stimulation [... for you, no doubt]. Well thats my story and I'm stickin to it. I think a pleasent, no doubt funny but serious phone call might end with a plan to meet-no?

Why you ? I'm not sure.The idea struck me ,somehow you seemed just right.I would love to be with a younger woman [congratulations].In my late 20s I was with 2 diferent ladies in thier 50s [good for ... them?] One was a blind date that a former girlfriend set up with me and her mother [I flatter myself that I'm as accepting of sexual diversity as the next person, but ick].As it happend a very fun and sexy woman [again, congratulations, I guess]. [phone number redacted]

My very best regards [name redacted]

P.S. Sorry about the misspelling I just refuse to go to 
the dictionary 5 or 6 times in even a note as short as this [ignoring my specific mention of how much I care about spelling is an excellent way to show you care about what I have to say].xo [initial redacted]

Yep.  I wonder if he wonders why I never wrote back, or if he found some other nice young woman who was truly sensual and couldn't spell "shinola" either.

Friday, June 20, 2014

Much Brain Dumpage

So hi!  Surprise!  I'm still alive, or so it seems.  I just can't manage to muster the focus for an ENTIRE EXTRA PIECE OF WRITING these days, especially one that doesn't have a grade attached to it.  I'd offer to give back my Writer Card, but I'm not sure I was issued one in the first place.
Good news!  We found a place to live.  I've been looking since April, and then at the beginning of June it seemed like I didn't have to anymore, but only for a week, when, surprise!  We still had to move!  However, two days ago a wonderful place fell into our laps, although I find myself hesitant to speak of it, in case somebody might hear me and decide it's not quite time for this saga to be over.  However however, I've also been spending a lot of time telling my son about how things aren't as scary when you fling the door open and let the sun shine in, so ... it's lovely, and the boy wants to live in the front porch swing, and it's owned by a family we know, they brought their kids up there, so their history is everywhere, which is so nice, and the view is great, and a determined person could hike through the woods to Texas Falls, and there are oxen across the road, and even though we don't officially take possession until August, we've been given permission to start a garden ASAP, which is good, because ASAP is almost too late ...
I thought my brain had more to dump, but Stockard Channing's version of Ramona's World is interfering with the firing of my synapses, and I'm determined to hit publish tonight - do or die! - so I'll be back for more dumping tomorrow, or next week, or the next time the pressure reaches that critical point.